Hymn
by Sleepless Eremite
Summary: "God knew Isaac needed to laugh." At Augustus' real funeral, Hazel and Isaac realize that Gus left a message for Isaac within the ceremony. [A short original drabble set within the book. Hazel and Isaac friendship.]


Augustus' real funeral wasn't like the one we had given him, but I think we all knew that that would be the case. None of us had a lot of say in how the funeral went. If Augustus had a say, he probably would have been there to enjoy it, and smirk that crooked smile at all of the nice, but mostly fake things that people would say about him. He _did _get to wear the suit he wanted, the one he'd worn to our date.

After I got up as his "special friend" to say the speech that made his parents tear up with approval, I sat back down near Isaac, not sure I could handle my parents right then. They were so wonderful, but I knew their reassuring squeezes would just make me ache. I wanted to wallow in my alone-ness, something Isaac could understand better than my parents could, and maybe he would crack a joke under his breath. I squeezed his hand briefly to let him know I was there, and he gave me a faint nod.

The reverend shuffled some papers and looked up, gazing at Augustus' parents. "We will now sing the hymns that Augustus requested."

I glanced over at Isaac. A few tears had slipped onto his cheeks from beneath the rims of his sunglasses. He was crying more than I was, but I wished for some glasses myself. I watched him for any indication that he knew what was going on, but he didn't show it.

Augustus had told me that he believed in Something-with-a-capital-S, and I thought that maybe, at the very end of his life, he had further softened to the specific beliefs espoused by his parents' Encouragements. Everybody who is dying wonders if there is a God, and if they should make their peace with Him before they meet Him face-to-face. Or perhaps, like everybody who is dying, Gus knew that the funeral wasn't for him, it was for the people he left behind – and this was what his parents would have wanted.

It was a bit awkward as voices started to lift into "Amazing Grace" a capella, guided only by the strong, sure voice of the reverend. It was the song that everyone sang at funerals, even if they weren't religious. Ironically enough, given how many funerals I could have gone to for friends from Support Group, I didn't know all the verses well enough to sing most of them. But just like I had with my speech, for the sake of Augustus' parents, I decided to try.

"Amazing grace, how sweet the sound, that saved a wretch like meee," I started, glancing nervously at Isaac to see if he was singing. He wasn't. "I once... was lost, but now I'm found; was blind, but now I see..."

A corner of Isaac's mouth, which had been tightened, no doubt in an attempt not to cry, went slack.

I glanced away from him, feeling uncomfortable, but no one could hear my voice over the chorus of others. The song went on and I went silent, everyone just singing because that was what we were supposed to do. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see Augustus' mom up front, her shoulders shaking, holding a tissue to her face.

The reverend cleared his throat. He began another song, one I didn't know: "Be Thou my vision, O Lord of my heart; naught be all else to me, save that Thou art..."

I closed my eyes, feeling tears well up for some reason now. It happened at the stupidest times. I didn't know the words to the song, or really what it meant, so I just listened, waiting for some snatch of Augustinian knowledge. But it didn't feel like _him_.

And then I heard Isaac's sort of gaspy breathing next to me. I opened my eyes, prepared to comfort him. He could have been crying about the loss of his vision, or the loss of his best friend. He was hunched over and tears were streaming down his cheeks - but he was _laughing_.

"The bastard," he muttered, not for my benefit. "You arrogant bastard."

I blinked. Someone around us had probably heard Isaac, but if they were scowling at his profanity in the middle of a church service for his dead friend, Isaac couldn't see them anyway. We both knew exactly why Augustus had chosen the hymns that he had.

While the song gave Augustus' relatives reassurance that God was leading them and comforting them in life after Augustus' death, Isaac hugged his arms around his chest, shaking his head with a small smile quirking a corner of his mouth. His buddy had made one last, secret joke at his expense. "Amazing Grace" was customary for funerals, but "Be Thou My Vision" was an unmistakable jab, at least to those who had seen Augustus and Isaac together.

Anyone else would have thought Gus was a terrible friend for making fun of a blind guy, but God knew Isaac needed to laugh.

Closing my eyes again, I heard the sound of Isaac's sniffling mingle with the voices of all of Augustus' friends and family lifted in song: "High King of Heaven, my victory won; may I reach heaven's joys, O bright Heaven's Sun! Heart of my own heart, whatever befall, still be my vision, O Ruler of all."


End file.
